Apologies

I meant to post again last week, instead of leaving a blog quiz up there, but I have to admit, it's been difficult.

I've had this cold since I started on Alesse, and it gets a little better, then gets a little worse. I've spent most of my holidays in bed. My sinuses ache, my nose runs, my throat burns, I'm constipated, and so darn moody that all of this bothers me way more than it normally would! I don't know how much of this is a winter bug and how much is the pill, but even though the cold finally seems to be making an exit, I still feel run down, achey, unable to concentrate. Work is torturous and takes all my effort. Composing a thoughtful blog post is a little beyond me right now.

But who ever heard of a contraceptive pill making you feel that way? It seems a little bizarre. The only reason I haven't visited a doctor for the cold is because I don't want to discount the chance that this fog I'm in is related to the pill, and I don't want anyone but the endocrinologist to change my prescription. Thing is, the endo's office is closed for the holidays, and she told me to give the pill three months before changing it.

So I'm living with it. When I'm off the pill for the next week, we'll see if the lack of hormone makes me feel better. And if it doesn't, then I've obviously got some kind of bug and I may need some extra help to kick it. Until then, it's tough, but not debilitating. Just have to hope I don't snap and tell off a difficult customer or a colleague. (Seriously, the irritability is scary!) Bleh. Lots of sleep for me!

What kind of facial hair are you?

Today I reveal that I am not above quizzes and memes.

You Are Stubble

You are assertive and confident. You know how to pull off being the least well dressed person in the room. You have a lot of natural talent and charm. You get a bit of a free ride in life, and you enjoy it. You are attractive and even downright sexy. You have that certain something that draws people to you. You may be a bit irresponsible and flighty, but that only makes you more interesting. You play hard to get... and it works!

What Kind of Facial Hair Are You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

I choose not to comment on whether or not this is at all accurate. It just amuses me.

Real post coming soon. ;) I had some computer problems this week so I am very behind schedule.

Take Four

This time, going to the endocrinologist made me as nervous as my very first visit to her, a little over a year ago. I didn't get as lost on the medical floor as I usually do, and I had an idea of what would happen next, but my hands shook as I tried to read my book in the waiting room.

After two and a half months on Finasteride, I've noticed a negative change. Since coming off the 200mg of Spiro, my body hair has begun to get darker and more numerous. The dark vellus hair on my collarbone has come back, and I'm even getting more spots and blemishes on my back and chest than I did while on Spiro. To visually compare, my body is currently in a furry state somewhere between 100mg and 200mg of Spiro.

I was also finding that since being on the Finasteride, my stomach was even more unpredictable about how it reacted to food. I know Finasteride is reputed to be easier on your stomach than Spiro, so I tried to deny it, but it's certainly true that the strangest things have upset my stomach in the last few months. Maybe that's just a coincidence, because I found the pill itself quite tolerable.

But I figured the endo would probably want to move on to something else. And she did. She asked if I wanted to go back onto the Spiro, but it didn't seem to be worth it to me, since even at its best, I was still shaving every day. She apologized that there was really going to be no cure for me, and I tried to find the words to express that while I knew that, I was still hoping there might be something else to try. Something besides Cyproterone, the thought of which has made me very uncomfortable. I'd spent the whole morning trying to prepare myself by reading about it, and of course frightening myself with all the side effects. On top of which, there was the required birth control pill to worry about as well.

After some discussion, the endo asked if I would like to try a birth control pill on top of the Spiro. I'd spent the last couple of years with the assumption that most women are prescribed the pill along with androgen blockers because of the dangers of those blockers to a male fetus. Apparently, the pill can also reduce the overall amount of testosterone in the blood, which can improve the overall effectiveness of an androgen blocker.

It wasn't what I'd expected, but it was a drug I knew (and a drug I knew worked somewhat) combined with one new thing, rather than two completely new things to worry about. It was probably the most comfortable way to move forward. I agreed. Even if I never find anything that truly works, I like to imagine that I'll feel better knowing I've tried everything I reasonably could. And the endo said that if this treatment works a little better, I might find that laser hair removal will have a longer lasting effect--but likely not a permanent one.

So she has me on Alesse, because although she wants me on a low dose of hormones, she says Yasmin's active ingredient is too similar to Spiro. I really can't voice my own opinion on this choice, having never been on a BCP before, and from what I've read, every woman reacts so differently to each brand of oral contraceptive (some hate and some love each and every one) so it's hard to guess what would work best for me. I have read that Alesse is one of the pills popularly prescribed for acne, but I have also read that uses an androgenic progestogen, and therefore not the best choice for women with hirsutism. I'm not sure how both those things could be true, but I am willing to try it--I trust she has chosen it for good reasons. If any unpleasant symptoms, such as breakthrough bleeding, persist for over three months, she'll put me on something else.

I always feel strange after an endo visit. It feels like both a step forward and a defeat, all in one. And underlying that strange mix of emotions, each time I go seems to be an admittance that there is something medically wrong with me. I hate thinking that about myself. After the appointment, which took all of ten minutes, I walked through the city in a daze, got on the bus, and instead of going home went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription right away. Bought myself some new make-up, because... y'know. And from there, I rode the bus a little more, got the sudden urge to get off and walk to make the trip home longer, and ruminated a little longer.

I've only been on the pill for two days now, and so far so good. I'm actually a little excited I might become regular again. That would be pretty nifty. But there is a slight hang-up; my pharmacy anticipates no Spironolactone shipments for some time. They're not exactly sure when it will get here, but likely not until the new year. They had three pharmacists clicking away at their computers checking it, two of which were girls younger than me, but strangely I didn't feel that embarrassed. I just wanted my pills. I suppose in a way this is a good thing, though--I'll be able to try the BCP by itself for a month and then add the Spiro to it, so I'll be able to compare how I feel with or without it.

So here we go again. Always working away at it, trying to find a way to make life easier.

And now, I must go sleep off this wonderful winter cold. Hope everyone is feeling better than I am right this second! Blech.

When was the last time you heard this?

First of all, let me apologize for not updating last week. I found myself so busy that I actually forgot, can you believe that? Last month was pretty ridiculous, and I have a feeling this one will be, too.

After helping a woman at my desk recently, she pulled a business card out from her wallet, saying, "I give everybody I meet one of these." She put it down on my desk, facing me, and I saw that it simply said, You are beautiful. "Now doesn't that make you feel good?" she asked.

Taken aback, I said that yes, it did. A girl can go a long, long time without hearing that from someone. In fact, I started to get a little embarrassed, and felt my face grow warm. A part of me--and isn't this sad?--was already wondering what her angle was, while the rest of my mind was devoted to getting itself around the idea that someone might merely be involved in a crusade to give women a compliment in a form they can carry with them for the rest of the day, and take home and tack on their bulletin board and look at every now and then. What a brilliant idea! I thought.

Turns out, she did have an angle, which I found a little disappointing. She was selling spa treatments. As she left my desk, I brushed off the card and the coupon for a detoxing body contouring treatment and my cynical side took over. What kind of message is that? I wondered. 'You are beautiful, but you could be more beautiful without cellulite and loose skin?' It's not just the facial hair we have to worry about, it's everything else, too. It's tragic that it is so hard to be happy with our physical selves.

I paused before I got too worked up, though. This spa lady was a pleasant customer and a nice person, and I'm sure she meant well. A gal could do worse than offer body treatments to other ladies, and in a way, isn't that kind of what I do here? Offer my experiences and recommendations for disguising what I don't like about my body? So I kept that business card, with the You are beautiful side facing up. It's sitting beside me now, on my desk, as I type.

After all, why not focus on the positive side?

It inspired me to tell each and every one of you reading this right now that

You are beautiful, too.