I'm Still Here

My Dear Beautiful Readers,

I apologize for being absent for almost four years.  I am doing just fine, and I hope you are, too. 

It was actually quite incidental that I logged into my "Allerleirah" account after such a long time.  My overflowing inbox surprised me.  I did not expect that emails would continue to flow in from women and girls who were just starting their body hair journey, or from others interested in supporting hirsute women by sharing our stories on websites, in magazines, and on TV.  I did not expect that there would still be questions.

You are still finding my dormant blog and sending me messages, which tells me that there is still not enough support out there.  And because you are looking for someone to answer your questions and have the courage to reach out to a stranger like me, I really ought to be there for you.

So, if you never got a reply from me, I am sorry.  I hope you found your answers somewhere else.  I had to muddle through a lot of this on my own, too, and I still made it.  You're probably doing even better than I did.

And if you want to, please write me again.  I will make myself available again. Just because I feel like I have nothing new to say about hirsutism doesn't mean I shouldn't be around to say the same things as many times as is needed for others.  I can look back on my struggle from a privileged place where hirsutism is now livable, but others aren't there yet.

I will help you.

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About half the emails I received simply wanted an update on my own hairy situation, so here it is:

Medications:  Unchanged since the last post.  I’m still on 100 mg of Spironolactone a day, Diane-35, and Vaniqa.

Any new hair observations?:  Unchanged since the last post.  It has been stable for a long time thanks to the medications.  Taking the same med dose won't have increasing effectiveness over time, it will only keep things the same.

Any new side effects?:  Nothing I've noticed.  Spiro hasn't given me noticeable constipation since I started pursuing digestive health with fermented foods like kefir.  I think over time the Diane has made my eyes dry, so wearing contacts has grown more difficult.  I just use more expensive eye gel drops and wear glasses more.  My boyfriend likes me in glasses anyway, he's got a thing for librarians.  ;-)

Morning routine:  Tweezing hairs on my chin every day or so.  Sometimes I will bleach the sides of my face when I feel like I have a lot of darker blond hairs there--though they only seem to be darker in certain lights at certain angles.  It helps me feel more confident, though, so I do it.  \

Further laser treatments?:  I went in once since the videos to have a touch-up laser session, which reduced the amount of time I have to pluck back to almost nil.  My chin is the most sensitive to the hair-growing hormone, so even though the meds help, it'll never stay bare forever.  Just gotta keep going back.  Now that I'm in my thirties with a steady job, it doesn't hurt the wallet as much to shell out $120 or so to get zapped once every year or so.  Totally worth it.

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Emotionally, I don’t have as many days where I don’t want to leave the house because my face makes me feel self-conscious.  Now and then it still happens, but you just have to accept those times and remember that tomorrow will be a better day.

I've found that my anxiety has not lessened about travel.  My heart will still freeze in my chest at the prospect of camping and I'll grasp for every excuse in the book, even though I know my hair growth is not such a factor in my reality anymore.  And I still cringe when someone tries to touch my face.

It is possible that it is still affecting my relationships, as well.  I have been dating someone for two years now, but I hold back from any kind of intimacy.  There are a few possible reasons for that, but one of them may be self-consciousness about my body.  I have begun therapy this year to investigate my romantic hang-ups.  (And because this is something that I would want to know: I told him about my hirsutism fairly early in the dating process.  He was curious but not repulsed, and impressed by how well I hid it to the point where I don't think he quite believes I'm hirsute at all.  He has only my face to go by, of course.)

Part of the reason I am not so focused on hirsutism anymore is because I have a new problem: migraines.  I used to get a couple per year, but in the past few years I have begun getting one to three each month that last a few days each, not including the postdome.  I lose a lot of work time and a lot of family time, which gives me a lot of stress.  My new focus is finding a migraine remedy that works for me.  One of the things I’m trying right now is massage, something that as a hirsute person I never thought I would do.  It helps to approach it as a medical treatment and not as a decadent treat.  And if you got the kind of massages I get, you wouldn't think of it as relaxing at all.



So, that's how I'm doing. If I failed to answer something you've been wondering, please leave it in the comments, and email me with any questions, concerns, requests... I'm here for you again.

Where IS My Razor These Days?

Can you believe it’s been almost two months since I’ve shaved?

I can’t.

With the holidays being such an awkward and busy time this year--and I wasn't at home with my usual mirror and it's advantageous lighting--it was a great relief to never touch my razor.  Even my legs and underarms are all lush and untamed, which is fairly easy to do when you live in a cold climate where most of your body is covered all of the time.  I’ve even stopped putting my razor and shave gel in the shower.  It was just pleasant to take a holiday from that chore when there was so much else to do, and since then I haven’t seen the need to go back to it.

It is rather unusual to feel the wind in your leg hair when you walk on the treadmill in shorts or capris, however.  Can’t remember the last time I’ve felt that.  Took me a few days to even figure out what the sensation was.

The hair on my face has now evened out, so that the places I used to shave are the same length as the vellum hair that grows on my cheeks.  No more of that “mowed lawn” look on the jaws and chin.  I’m still trying to get used to having hair there at all.  It is hard to remember what is “average” when you spend so much of your life being paranoid about any hair showing at all in those areas. 

I bought a box of Jolen hair bleach for the first time in... oh, ages... just to take care of the hairs on the sides of my face that are a darker sort of blond, but only at certain angles and thus are hard to catch to pluck.  And because I’m bleaching hair that is not too dark or coarse to begin with, I don’t have to keep it on as long or reapply it the next day because the new growth is easy to see.  It seems so strange to go back to that old routine of measuring out one part accelerator powder to two parts cream, mixing it on that tiny palette and spreading it over the hair.  Seeing that thick white concoction sitting there on my face so plainly reminded me of how shocking my beard used to be to me, and how worried I used to be about anyone seeing it or whatever method I was using to hide it. 

And now it’s manageable enough that it feels like it’s gone.  Now when some dude jokes, "I haven't shaved in, like, two days and you can't even tell!" I shout, "Me too!"  I have to keep checking every morning and every night to make sure it’s still real.  And then I apply some miraculous Vaniqa cream (of which I am just starting a new bottle, worth every penny) and go to bed knowing that getting ready in the morning will be so effortless and devoid of emotional agony.

Just goes to show you, you should try everything you safely can to make life that little bit easier for you.  It really does make a difference.



I’ll be crossing the ocean soon, so you likely won’t hear from me for some time... not that that’s anything new these days!  Keep well, my dears.

Vaniqa Update

I started Vaniqa about 12 weeks ago, and since my last update, I’ve been slowly plucking out the coarse hairs--dark and blond--from my chin and throat.  I started with the sides of my chin out of sheer curiosity: what was it like to pluck and use Vaniqa?  Besides, those are the worst parts for me, because that’s where most of the ingrown hairs from shaving and the bumps from the Vaniqa were happening. 

And then I noticed that I wasn’t having to go back over the area with the tweezers the next day.  It was great!  So gradually I plucked another area, and another, and another. 

I was still going over everything lightly with the razor each morning to get any strays, most of them under my chin--blond and hard to see to pluck.  However, a couple of weeks ago, I realized I really didn’t need to do it.  That slight scratch of stubble I felt in the morning was deceptive; it was either blond hair that I couldn’t see (and so it was unlikely anyone else could), or simple dry skin.  And so I stopped shaving, and haven’t put a razor to my face since.

I still go over my face every morning to check for hair to pluck, and might find a couple, but if its not dark or extremely coarse, I try to leave it be.  In the right light, you can still see the difference between the sides of my face that I have let grow out with peach fuzz, and my chin where I was shaving.  With the Vaniqa I doubt it will even out anytime soon, but in the meantime I am supremely content with my results right now.  And I'm still on my first bottle.

A little while ago I booked my first trans-oceanic flight since adolescence--since before my hirsutism fully presented.  I agonized over how I was going to approach an overnight flight, beard-wise.  I could have switched my schedule back to shaving at night so that I could shave right before the flight and then my face would probably be okay for the next day when I arrived.  But then I’d have to shave every night on the trip, and I don’t know about you, but I have a strong compulsion to look my best when I travel.  So I had decided I was going to shave on the flight and pray for no turbulence while I was doing it.  But now seeing Vaniqa in action, its taken such a load off my mind.  I won’t have to shave at all during the flight, or worry about it the day I land.  And if I have a particularly rushed morning, I know I can skip obsessing over my face and just go have fun.  I am looking forward to my trip even more, now!

Four Weeks on Vaniqa

It’s been about a month since I started Vaniqa.  Actually, technically it’s been five weeks, but I didn’t bother applying Vaniqa during the week I had the flu.  Nor did I shave, and I can tell you that yes, more hair has definitely grown in on my chin since the last laser treatment.  But as for the Vaniqa, the various papers did say results can begin to be seen in four to eight weeks.  So have I noticed any change?

Well, within the first few days, I started getting pimples on my chin.  This may have coincided with the beginnings of the flu, as I sometimes get skin breakouts when my immune system goes kaput.  When the flu was gone, so were the spots, but I am also using Polysporin cream to help prevent future skin infections.

Other than that?

I'm pretty sure I’m getting into an awkward stage where the hair is noticeable in the morning, but not quite long enough for a comfortable shave.  This is leading to some irritation after a couple of days of consecutive hair removal, and reviving my old habit of staying at home on weekends to give my skin a day off.  And this, aside from the acne side-effect, is what I was dreading about starting Vaniqa.

However, it’s early days.  Things could still get better, so I’m sticking with it.  Another Vaniqa report in four weeks!

Vlog: Vaniqa

I posted the last video of my vlog series today:


As you know if you've been reading my blog, I'm now only shaving my chin, so overall I'm happy that laser hair removal has done something more tangible for me this time.  I've decided to try Vaniqa next, and most of the video shows me opening the package for the first time and learning how to use it.

Several factors went into the decision.  Though I have been resistant to Vaniqa in the past because it does not remove anything, these latest laser hair removal sessions have taught me that even small improvements in the day-to-day hair removal regimen are worth more than you'd imagine.  An article on The Hirsutism Hub clinched it for me; it talks about how satisfied the author is with her combination of electrolysis, androgen blockers, and Vaniqa.  (Read the article.)  So when I went for my annual check-up, I told my doctor I'd like to try it.  

For those who can't or don't want to view the video:

Vaniqa (eflorinthine 13.9% cream)

What it does:  "Vaniqa interferes with a natural component of the skin needed to promote hair growth."  Basically, it slows it down.

How much it cost:  $72 CAD for a 3g tube.  Ouch.

The laws of Vaniqa:

• Apply a thin layer twice a day at least 8 hours apart.
• Do not wash the area for 4 hours.
• Wait at least 5 minutes after hair removal to apply.
• Wait a few minutes for Vaniqa to absorb before using make-up, moisturizers, or sunscreen.
• Wait 4-8 weeks for results.  If it has not helped in 6 months, stop using.

There's a lot of waiting involved.

Side effects:  Burning, stinging, tingling, redness, acne, folliculitis, serious allergic reactions rare



So far, I've noticed that a little goes a long way (thank goodness).  I need a dab smaller than a pea to cover the chin and neck.  It doesn't have a strong smell, and there's been no redness, but a little stinging after shaving, even if I wait more than 5 minutes.

It'll be a while before I notice anything, and the results may not be photographable, so I've ended the vlog series here and will talk about any changes I see with Vaniqa on the blog.  A warm welcome to all who have come here because of the videos, and I assure you I am not gone!  I will continue to answer questions and comments on the videos.

Onwards!

Vlog: Third Treatment

Treatment number three was kind of business-as-usual.  A couple of weeks ago I noticed more hair growing in on my chin, so hopefully the laser got all that.

Lately I haven't been feeling too well--I just reached the deadline on a huge project and the lack of sleep left me open to infection I guess, so I've been run-down and sniffly and fatigued.  So I didn't ask the technician too much, I'm not sure if the laser intensity went up again, or anything else I wanted to know about.

I didn't even feel too positive after the treatment was over, because the one thing I asked was whether people who go through the initial 5-6 treatments have to come back for touch-ups forever.  The answer was "yes."  And I think it was "yes" because she was thinking of people with hormonal vulnerability, whose skin is going to be constantly bombarded with hormones.  But if you've got pills to help with that, do you still have to have laser treatments in perpetuity?  Why is it said that laser hair removal can be permanent?  And why does the technician think the effects of my old laser treatments are still helping?  I'm rather confused, and because I'm also sick, it's making me a little sad.

But it's not a mood that will last, I know.  I'm looking forward to this new growth falling out anyway, and now I've been recommended Vaniqa so I have something new to seriously think about.  I've never paid it much mind before because it doesn't get rid of hair, it just slows it down, and my sights have always been on getting rid of the hair.  The technician has tried it herself and she thinks it might be worth it for me--it might mean laser hair removal treatments spaced farther apart.  But I know it has some side-effects like break-outs and redness and irritation, and my skin is doing so well right now with less hair and gentler shaving.

Here's the video itself, and don't worry about my low energy.  I'm already getting much more sleep so I'll be feeling better soon!