I'm Still Here

My Dear Beautiful Readers,

I apologize for being absent for almost four years.  I am doing just fine, and I hope you are, too. 

It was actually quite incidental that I logged into my "Allerleirah" account after such a long time.  My overflowing inbox surprised me.  I did not expect that emails would continue to flow in from women and girls who were just starting their body hair journey, or from others interested in supporting hirsute women by sharing our stories on websites, in magazines, and on TV.  I did not expect that there would still be questions.

You are still finding my dormant blog and sending me messages, which tells me that there is still not enough support out there.  And because you are looking for someone to answer your questions and have the courage to reach out to a stranger like me, I really ought to be there for you.

So, if you never got a reply from me, I am sorry.  I hope you found your answers somewhere else.  I had to muddle through a lot of this on my own, too, and I still made it.  You're probably doing even better than I did.

And if you want to, please write me again.  I will make myself available again. Just because I feel like I have nothing new to say about hirsutism doesn't mean I shouldn't be around to say the same things as many times as is needed for others.  I can look back on my struggle from a privileged place where hirsutism is now livable, but others aren't there yet.

I will help you.

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About half the emails I received simply wanted an update on my own hairy situation, so here it is:

Medications:  Unchanged since the last post.  I’m still on 100 mg of Spironolactone a day, Diane-35, and Vaniqa.

Any new hair observations?:  Unchanged since the last post.  It has been stable for a long time thanks to the medications.  Taking the same med dose won't have increasing effectiveness over time, it will only keep things the same.

Any new side effects?:  Nothing I've noticed.  Spiro hasn't given me noticeable constipation since I started pursuing digestive health with fermented foods like kefir.  I think over time the Diane has made my eyes dry, so wearing contacts has grown more difficult.  I just use more expensive eye gel drops and wear glasses more.  My boyfriend likes me in glasses anyway, he's got a thing for librarians.  ;-)

Morning routine:  Tweezing hairs on my chin every day or so.  Sometimes I will bleach the sides of my face when I feel like I have a lot of darker blond hairs there--though they only seem to be darker in certain lights at certain angles.  It helps me feel more confident, though, so I do it.  \

Further laser treatments?:  I went in once since the videos to have a touch-up laser session, which reduced the amount of time I have to pluck back to almost nil.  My chin is the most sensitive to the hair-growing hormone, so even though the meds help, it'll never stay bare forever.  Just gotta keep going back.  Now that I'm in my thirties with a steady job, it doesn't hurt the wallet as much to shell out $120 or so to get zapped once every year or so.  Totally worth it.

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Emotionally, I don’t have as many days where I don’t want to leave the house because my face makes me feel self-conscious.  Now and then it still happens, but you just have to accept those times and remember that tomorrow will be a better day.

I've found that my anxiety has not lessened about travel.  My heart will still freeze in my chest at the prospect of camping and I'll grasp for every excuse in the book, even though I know my hair growth is not such a factor in my reality anymore.  And I still cringe when someone tries to touch my face.

It is possible that it is still affecting my relationships, as well.  I have been dating someone for two years now, but I hold back from any kind of intimacy.  There are a few possible reasons for that, but one of them may be self-consciousness about my body.  I have begun therapy this year to investigate my romantic hang-ups.  (And because this is something that I would want to know: I told him about my hirsutism fairly early in the dating process.  He was curious but not repulsed, and impressed by how well I hid it to the point where I don't think he quite believes I'm hirsute at all.  He has only my face to go by, of course.)

Part of the reason I am not so focused on hirsutism anymore is because I have a new problem: migraines.  I used to get a couple per year, but in the past few years I have begun getting one to three each month that last a few days each, not including the postdome.  I lose a lot of work time and a lot of family time, which gives me a lot of stress.  My new focus is finding a migraine remedy that works for me.  One of the things I’m trying right now is massage, something that as a hirsute person I never thought I would do.  It helps to approach it as a medical treatment and not as a decadent treat.  And if you got the kind of massages I get, you wouldn't think of it as relaxing at all.



So, that's how I'm doing. If I failed to answer something you've been wondering, please leave it in the comments, and email me with any questions, concerns, requests... I'm here for you again.

Beardiful

Girls, I am sick again.  Unexpected downside to working with kids, I guess.  Viruses come and go through that place like its a hotel.  So, as a combined break for my throbbing head and the granting of a request, I'm going to use this week's post to share some beardy pictures.  Of my beard.

The only successful photos I have are from before I started treatment and after I finally decided what treatment to go with, so I really don't think they're the best example of how the various meds have worked on me.  But if they're at all helpful to you, Anonymous, or any other readers who haven't asked, I will be happy. 

These are from November 2009, before my first visit to the endocrinologist.  I believe I had just been sick in bed for a week or so, so the hair on my face is quite a bit longer (and much of the acne and irritation caused by shaving is absent).  You may have seen the first one on tumblr.  Click for large size:

Below are the only other photos where you can actually see the facial hair, and they're from January 2012, just after my most recent endo appointment.  I'd been on Spiro since the first photos were taken (with a brief break on Finasteride), and on Spiro with Diane-35 for 6 months.  This is about two days growth, which I was able to cultivate thanks to a brief break before starting my new job:

You can see the beard has really thinned out, especially on the sides of the face and under the jaw.  I mean, look, the neck-beard is almost gone!  But there's still plenty on the chin which is why I still complain about shaving every day.  Your results might be different if you try this treatment--they could be disappointing, or they could be even more satisfying.  My endo says its rare for Spiro to completely clear up facial hair, especially if your hirsutism was as severe as mine (or worse), but you won't know for sure until you try, right?

For those of you just joining us, I usually post photos of how the different meds worked on my stomach hair.  If you want to see those, try any of the tags below, like "medical" or "spiro."

6 Months on Spiro with Diane-35

I was back at the endocrinologist's last week for my six month follow-up since starting the combination of 200 mg Spiro and Diane-35.  (I am too impressed by my iPhone, taking pictures of my own feet in the waiting room...)

I was able to report to her that I am quite happy with the current treatment, so neither of us feel the need to change my meds.  The Diane keeps my periods regular with no mid-cycle spotting, and though I think it makes my stomach sour sometimes, it is very very tolerable.  And I think the little bit of cyproterone in the bcp might help... either that or being on Spiro longer is allowing me to see even more effects.  I'm not shaving my chest anymore, and the hair on my stomach is light enough that I would only trim it if I were going to wear a bikini for some reason.  The hair on my thighs is lighter and even on my face there is definitely a bit of thinning out.  The endo said she rarely sees the facial hair disappear altogether on medication, and indeed it is the most stubborn part of a hirsute woman's body.  She again mentioned that I might be happy with the result of laser hair removal now, and I am still seriously considering it.

From here, my family doctor (if we ever decide on one) can continue to prescribe the medications, and there will be no need to keep going back to the endo.  Admittedly, I was a little sad about that.  She was the one who finally helped me find answers.  Also from this point, we can even begin to start tapering off the medications and see how low we can get them before I start to notice the hair returning.  Though she says there is no cumulative risk for being on these medications and any serious side effects are rare, especially in my age, there are always risks, and it's up to each individual whether or not they feel the results are worth putting these chemicals in their bodies.

For me, right now, it's worth it.  I'm trying to stay fit and do my monthly breast exams.  Even if the prescriptions won't help me far enough to achieve my dream of one day waking up and not having a beard to shave, they are making life easier by reducing the hair, the acne, and the shine.  I know it's a temporary solution, but aren't crutches designed to support you until you can walk on your own?  I like having the little extra help now.

So, since I hope these are helpful (they help me prepare for my endo appointments)... photographic evidence, such as I can accomplish:

(Click for larger view)

Again, my stomach, as this is an area of dramatic change.  Would anyone benefit from seeing other areas, if I can figure out how to post those body parts modestly?  

From left to right:  Before any medication; 6 months on Spiro (100mg); 4 months on Spiro (200mg); 2.5 months on Finasteride; 6 months on Alesse and Spiro (200mg); 6 months on Diane and Spiro (200mg).

A Little Ovary Update

It’s the way it always goes; I was out running errands when the endocrinologist’s office called, and got their message that my results were in about five minutes after the office had closed for the weekend.  And, of course, it was a long weekend, with a lovely statutory holiday right at the end of it.  So I tried not to think about my nervousness after the ultrasound, and waited until Tuesday morning to call them, just before work. 

The receptionist just looked at my file and told me right there that the cyst was there, and it was stable.  Using my background in health insurance, I take that to mean it hasn’t grown or shrunk, which I suppose is good.  I would have much preferred to hear it was gone, and that the black spot I kept seeing on the ultrasound was just an ovary, but... (shrug) oh well.

I felt weird asking questions about my scan of the receptionist, but when she said that the cyst needed no further follow-up, I asked if that meant I would not be referred to an OBGYN.  It didn’t say anything on my file, so she said she’d check and get back to me.  I don’t necessarily want to go to an OBGYN, but when I first found out about the cyst and asked questions of the endo (questions I can’t even remember at this point) she said she was not in the best field to respond to them.  I’d at least like to hear from an OBGYN what I have to watch for to make sure this cyst doesn’t cause serious problems, or how to catch such problems in time.

Hearing from the doctor always beings that stupid ovary to the front of my mind.  It gets me all emotional, and it was bad enough that this past weekend was the second anniversary of an attempted suicide in my family.  I’d succeeded in not thinking about it up until I heard about another attempted suicide that had happened that very weekend.  So I was a little “off” yesterday.  I haven’t had any really bad mood swings on Diane-35, but I do get the odd day like this, where things affect me more than they would on the average day.

I got a call today from the endo's office (and thankfully I was home to catch it), and found out I am being referred after all.  I don't expect to actually be given an appointment date for a while yet, that's how referrals to specialists go.  But that's good too; means it's not an emergency, right?

And that’s my update.  Official “rules” for guest blogging will go up tomorrow!  :)

Back to the Endo

Okay, so the week before last was my latest visit to the endocrinologist. Got a little more lost than usual finding my way through that maze of corridors, but it was the least anxious I've felt going to see her. I told her I was finding myself happy with the results of the Spiro, though she was disappointed to hear it still was making no difference to the hair on my face, either in quantity, coarseness or speed of growth. She brought up laser hair removal again, and I'm finally game to try that a second time. But I'd like to see how this next step in the treatment goes, and I'd also like to time it so that I can enjoy a summer without shaving my face. Maybe I can go camping then, or travel with other people...

I told her what I really wanted at this point was to find a better birth control pill that would regulate my cycles and eliminate the spotting, so she suggested Diane-35 and I said okay. Diane-35 has a small amount of cyproterone acetate right in it, and though it's generally not used for birth control alone, it is often prescribed to acne sufferers as it has the androgen blocker right in. It is our hope that maybe the combination of Spiro and Diane will make the results even better.

I see a lot of distaste for Diane-35 on the web, and yes, I am a little nervous about it. Not only is it a new pill and I am never confident in my body's tolerance, but it has been reported in certain studies to have a higher-than-normal risk of blood clots. However, that higher-than-normal risk is still a rare one. The endo only offered it, she didn't say: "This is what we're doing next." She would have allowed me to say no if I wanted to. But from my readings about the type of male and female hormones it contains, it's on the right track. Moreso than Alesse. And I have heard some very happy reports from some ladies who have used it long-term. It's different for everyone.

There's a little more hormone in this one, which is why I think it will help with the mid-cycle spotting that Spiro seems determined to cause. So I am on the lookout for severe mood swings and breast lumps and things like that. I assure you all I'm being cautious. Longtime readers know what a fearful creature I am.

Unrelated to hirsutism, the cyst on my ovary came up in conversation when I was telling the endo that my family doctor had moved off to the other end of the city, leaving my file behind. When I said that I still wished to see a gynecologist to talk more about the cyst, she said she would be happy to refer me herself. First, though, she wants me to have another ultrasound, because I haven't had that severe pain in six months and it may be that the cyst was reabsorbed. I have read that bcp's can sometimes help with cysts. Could it be that being on Alesse has helped in that way?

I've been on Diane for a week now and have nothing to report. Possibly some mild nausea in the mornings, but I'm known for stomach trouble anyway so it might not be the pill at all. And in the meantime, the Spiro continues to do it's job and I continue to enjoy the reduced hair everywhere else. Can you believe that? I'm enjoying the results of the medication.