How long have I been saying I am seriously considering trying laser hair removal again? Last January, when I went to see the endocrinologist and decided to stay with the medication I am on right now, I knew it was probably the next step in reducing the hair I have to live with. In August I think I was more seriously resolved, because my ovarian cysts had finally been explained to me and I could move on from that. I seem to focus on the health concerns that worry me most, and then go down the list. That indicates to me that hirsutism is no longer my highest concern. That's pretty exciting on its own.
But I'd love to push it even further down the list, even if the results of laser hair removal are as temporary as last time (3-4 months, if you remember). And it will always be a lingering question in my life if I don't try again--what if the results are better on the medication? I'll always wonder.
Funnily enough, it wasn't so much the inspiration of others' New Years Resolutions that finally urged me to make the calls, though it is that sensation of January being a "fresh start." It's hearing about friends taking charge of their own lives and doing the things they always meant to do for themselves that is spurring me on to tackle the questions in my life. It's getting me beyond the fear of being disappointed, the fear of pain, and the fear of cost.
So I called the same clinic I went to before. The technician I used to see no longer works there, but they still have my life from 2004-2005, and I feel more confident using this place than trying another clinic elsewhere. This one is connected with a team of dermatologists (even if one of them is the one who sent me right to laser instead of trying to figure out the cause of my hirsutism), and not one of the many salons that have popped up all over the place in the last several years. You might be able to get good treatment from a salon, but I can be fairly sure a clinic like this with the backing of doctors will have the most state-of-the-art equipment and most highly trained staff. I'll know for sure by the kind of questions they ask at my consultation.
I like to think I'm going into this with more realistic expectations. I know what laser hair removal feels like, and I know the worst-case scenario results. What I don't know is how much it costs now, and how well it will do this time. So there's plenty to still be nervous about, but I also feel excited that I am finally trying it again. I am brainstorming how to document the journey this time, so if anyone has any suggestions, or anything they would really like to see, please leave it in the comments!
January 9, 2013
January 1, 2013
What I'm Using Now
Hello and welcome to 2013 everybody! I'm still here, and if you're not, I hope it's because you're off having fun!
The last time I did a post about my morning shaving routine was in 2010. I don't update it much because, really, not much has changed. I thought I'd share the subtly evolving line of products anyway, though, especially because newer readers would have to wade through over two years of posts to read about it otherwise. So.
Step 1: Soften the hair and cleanse the skin. I run very warm water over a washcloth and hold it to my face to open the pores and get the beard all soft, and rub my chin where the hairs seem to dislike standing up and are more likely to grow back into the skin again. Then I use a Cetaphil or drug-store-equivalent gentle skin cleanser, whatever's cheapest. I find the imitations work just as well.
Step 2: Shave - stubbled sisters do it against the grain. I've been using the King of Shaves Azor System Razor with Kiss My Face moisture shave. The razor lets me have a greater range of pressure on the skin and the blades last a long time, and a small dab of the foaming gel goes a long way and is easier to come by than my other preferred mediums. And yes, I shave against the grain. I don't want any evidence of stubble or a shadow by afternoon. I pay for it with a few ingrown hairs, so if that worries you, try shaving across the grain. I finish off with the styptic pencil to stop any bleeds, and am now able to apply moitsurizer and make-up much sooner than before.
Step 3: Make amends with your skin. That poor organ goes through a lot when you shave it. Now that I've been on Spiro for a while, I don't have the same problem with oiliness that I used to, but I still like to use Aveeno's Daily Moisturizing Lotion or its less expensive imitations, all of which are light and leave no feeling of residue. It's just enough for my face, but my chin needs a little something extra. It's always dry and flaky after repetitive shaves. I ran out of jojoba oil a long time ago, and man that stuff is expensive! So I now use a tiny bit of Vitamin E oil, which promotes healing among other things, and allows make-up to sit more easily over the abused areas.
Step 4: Cover it, girl. I always see the stubble lying just under the skin, no matter how aggressive my technique, and then there's sometimes blemishes from ingrown hair. I need a thick concealer, and I still use CoverGirl's Smoother because it has that extra shot of moisturizer right in the stick. It's opaque enough to cover all but the worst spots, and I find it doesn't blob on any dry bits like other concealers do. I also still use CG Fresh Complexion Pocket Powder even though it's designed for oily skin. It is such a lovely fine powder. Really, I could probably just pat a bit over my chin and neck where I have things I want to hide, but my brain still thinks I need all-over cover, even though acne is not nearly the problem it used to be.
Step 5: At the end of the day, thank your skin again. It's put up with your torture and carried you through the day. I wash off all the make-up with the same gentle cleanser, and will usually gently rub with a washcloth again just to coax those hairs not to grow into the skin overnight. My medications have really evened out my skin, so I'm not afraid to moisturize every night, now, and will often use Vitamin E oil again to encourage healing overnight, or Polysporin to prevent infection in any open cuts. I don't even use Persa-Gel anymore, except directly on the odd pimple.
My skin does very well without the harsher cleansers or benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid, thanks to the Diane and Spiro. If I thought my face was good before, this is amazing progress. I get compliments often. It's funny, I really thought these chemical treatments were preventing acne, until I saw what my skin could be like with my androgen blocked. I have to acknowledge the pills for the impact they've had on my routine. It's nice not to have to worry about acne and oil nearly as much, and to focus on a safe, clean shave and hiding any leftover shadow.
The last time I did a post about my morning shaving routine was in 2010. I don't update it much because, really, not much has changed. I thought I'd share the subtly evolving line of products anyway, though, especially because newer readers would have to wade through over two years of posts to read about it otherwise. So.
Step 1: Soften the hair and cleanse the skin. I run very warm water over a washcloth and hold it to my face to open the pores and get the beard all soft, and rub my chin where the hairs seem to dislike standing up and are more likely to grow back into the skin again. Then I use a Cetaphil or drug-store-equivalent gentle skin cleanser, whatever's cheapest. I find the imitations work just as well.
Step 2: Shave - stubbled sisters do it against the grain. I've been using the King of Shaves Azor System Razor with Kiss My Face moisture shave. The razor lets me have a greater range of pressure on the skin and the blades last a long time, and a small dab of the foaming gel goes a long way and is easier to come by than my other preferred mediums. And yes, I shave against the grain. I don't want any evidence of stubble or a shadow by afternoon. I pay for it with a few ingrown hairs, so if that worries you, try shaving across the grain. I finish off with the styptic pencil to stop any bleeds, and am now able to apply moitsurizer and make-up much sooner than before.
Step 3: Make amends with your skin. That poor organ goes through a lot when you shave it. Now that I've been on Spiro for a while, I don't have the same problem with oiliness that I used to, but I still like to use Aveeno's Daily Moisturizing Lotion or its less expensive imitations, all of which are light and leave no feeling of residue. It's just enough for my face, but my chin needs a little something extra. It's always dry and flaky after repetitive shaves. I ran out of jojoba oil a long time ago, and man that stuff is expensive! So I now use a tiny bit of Vitamin E oil, which promotes healing among other things, and allows make-up to sit more easily over the abused areas.
Step 4: Cover it, girl. I always see the stubble lying just under the skin, no matter how aggressive my technique, and then there's sometimes blemishes from ingrown hair. I need a thick concealer, and I still use CoverGirl's Smoother because it has that extra shot of moisturizer right in the stick. It's opaque enough to cover all but the worst spots, and I find it doesn't blob on any dry bits like other concealers do. I also still use CG Fresh Complexion Pocket Powder even though it's designed for oily skin. It is such a lovely fine powder. Really, I could probably just pat a bit over my chin and neck where I have things I want to hide, but my brain still thinks I need all-over cover, even though acne is not nearly the problem it used to be.
Step 5: At the end of the day, thank your skin again. It's put up with your torture and carried you through the day. I wash off all the make-up with the same gentle cleanser, and will usually gently rub with a washcloth again just to coax those hairs not to grow into the skin overnight. My medications have really evened out my skin, so I'm not afraid to moisturize every night, now, and will often use Vitamin E oil again to encourage healing overnight, or Polysporin to prevent infection in any open cuts. I don't even use Persa-Gel anymore, except directly on the odd pimple.
My skin does very well without the harsher cleansers or benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid, thanks to the Diane and Spiro. If I thought my face was good before, this is amazing progress. I get compliments often. It's funny, I really thought these chemical treatments were preventing acne, until I saw what my skin could be like with my androgen blocked. I have to acknowledge the pills for the impact they've had on my routine. It's nice not to have to worry about acne and oil nearly as much, and to focus on a safe, clean shave and hiding any leftover shadow.
December 19, 2012
Product: Styptic Pencil
I was browsing the hair removal section of a drugstore last month to see what new devices of torture were available, when I discovered something that has apparently been around for years. The styptic pencil has apparently been a part of men’s grooming sets since the days of the straight razor, and it’s designed to stop nicks from bleeding.
If you have a pet that needs its nails clipped, you might be familiar with the concept, as a powder form is often used to stop any bleeding if the animal’s nails get clipped too close to the quick. This pencil usually comes in a clear plastic tube for storage, and feels a bit like chalk in your hand. You wet the tip and apply it to your nicks, and the astringent in the pencil causes the bloodvessels to constrict. (See how it works.)
Styptic Pencil (drugstore brand)
Ingredients:
Things I liked:
Things I didn't like:
Did it do what it promised?
“Stops bleeding resulting from minor shaving cuts”--absolutely. I might not have believed it if I hadn’t tried it for myself. Even slightly larger nicks are helped with the pencil, which makes shaving just a little less messy and frustrating. Because getting nicks to clot is often one of my biggest peeves with shaving, I think it’s an invaluable part of a shaving arsenal.
There are so many companies that make them, I’m not going to bother linking others’ reviews. You can search on your own, or just try it for yourself. They’re not expensive, and well worth a look if you’re an aggressive and sometimes clumsy shaver like me.
If you have a pet that needs its nails clipped, you might be familiar with the concept, as a powder form is often used to stop any bleeding if the animal’s nails get clipped too close to the quick. This pencil usually comes in a clear plastic tube for storage, and feels a bit like chalk in your hand. You wet the tip and apply it to your nicks, and the astringent in the pencil causes the bloodvessels to constrict. (See how it works.)
Styptic Pencil (drugstore brand)
Ingredients:
- Medical Ingredient: Aluminum Sulfate Anhydrous 56%
- Non-Medical Ingredients: Titanium Dioxide and Water
Things I liked:
- It stops the bleeding from minor nicks instantly. No more bits of toilet paper and waiting for nicks to clot on their own so I can apply make-up and get on with my day.
- I’ve even used it on moderate nicks from shaving my legs, and while it doesn’t stop them right away, it does slow the bleeding so I’m not tracking blood all over the place like a horror film.
Things I didn't like:
- It stings. A lot. Think paper cut in lemon juice. (Guess that's why they call it an astringent...)
- It leaves a white residue on your skin, which you need to rinse off before make-up will apply with ease.
Did it do what it promised?
“Stops bleeding resulting from minor shaving cuts”--absolutely. I might not have believed it if I hadn’t tried it for myself. Even slightly larger nicks are helped with the pencil, which makes shaving just a little less messy and frustrating. Because getting nicks to clot is often one of my biggest peeves with shaving, I think it’s an invaluable part of a shaving arsenal.
There are so many companies that make them, I’m not going to bother linking others’ reviews. You can search on your own, or just try it for yourself. They’re not expensive, and well worth a look if you’re an aggressive and sometimes clumsy shaver like me.
December 4, 2012
Being "Allerleirah"
There’s some drawbacks to having an online identity that is just for talking about hirsutism online. Things I didn’t even imagine when I started up this blog.
I intended to create a way for me to talk with absolute honesty about what it’s like to personally live with an androgenic disorder, without worrying about how that honesty (which might at times be ugly as I'd never, ever properly expressed myself regarding hirsutism before) would reflect on other areas of my online life. The blog's been great for that. It’s also been great for giving me courage to connect with other ladies in similar circumstances and find useful resources for support.
But in a way, it’s kept hirsutism compartmentlaized; separate from the rest of my life. It's had the benefit of allowing me to flush out the frustration in a place where people who see it will understand utterly and completely. It has also cultivated an awareness in me that hirsutism is really a small part of my life. Small enough that I sometimes run out of things to say about it. And in some respects, it’s nice to have it over here so I can only think or talk about it when I want to. But it also means that when I come over here, it’s all I think or talk about. And that’s overwhelming sometimes. So overwhelming that when I feel fragile or very stressed, I avoid this place completely. I apologize for that.
Having hirsutism as the primary aspect of this online identity also means that those who are drawn to Allerleirah in respects to friending me or following me or subscribing to me are drawn to me because of the hair. That’s kind of a weird experience, when you think about it. A person you met face-to-face on the street would likely not be drawn to you if you were sporting a few days of stubble on your chin. That’s kind of the crux of the anxiety we feel as hirsute women. In a way, that’s lifted off you when you’re open about it online. Being Allerleirah has been great for meeting women with whom I have these struggles in common, and in fact being inspired and taught by them. And it’s been great for being introduced to people who are genuinely curious and trying to understand this bizarre situation of being a woman with a beard. But on the other hand, as a woman talking openly about body hair, being interested in it and being able to grow a good deal more of it than most women, I’ve at times become an object of fetishism.
Perhaps sometimes being the subject of an erotic fixation is what I’ve been finding particularly discouraging. And maybe I shouldn’t--after all, would I be miffed if someone was attracted to me because they first noticed above all else that I had blond hair? How silly is it to say, “Hey, don’t notice me because of something I’ve done on purpose!” (Not to say I’m hirsute on purpose, but I’ve made it public deliberately, just as I dye my hair deliberately.)
I think it troubles me because I feel like I’m merely part of a collection of things that someone finds pleasing. I guess that’s nice on some level, because girls like us easily doubt our desirableness. However, being hirsute is just a physical trait. It’s not who I am. The effects of hirsutism are, such as lack of self-confidence or being less judgmental about what others look like. But I doubt that’s why I’m in the collection.
And if that's a bad thing, it’s my fault for presenting myself as “Allerleirah the bearded lady” and having this whole corner of the internet just for that. But like everybody else in this world, I want to be appreciated as an individual. And I know most of you here are here because the blog gives you encouragement and solidarity. It gives it back to me, too, for which I will ever be grateful. I shouldn’t let a little trichophilia get under my skin. It’s nice that they have a taste for the unique, and I shouldn’t take that personally either positively or negatively. I need to remember the feeling of being your hirsute sister, one of many, and at the end of the day, I know who I am and why I ought to be appreciated. :)
I intended to create a way for me to talk with absolute honesty about what it’s like to personally live with an androgenic disorder, without worrying about how that honesty (which might at times be ugly as I'd never, ever properly expressed myself regarding hirsutism before) would reflect on other areas of my online life. The blog's been great for that. It’s also been great for giving me courage to connect with other ladies in similar circumstances and find useful resources for support.
But in a way, it’s kept hirsutism compartmentlaized; separate from the rest of my life. It's had the benefit of allowing me to flush out the frustration in a place where people who see it will understand utterly and completely. It has also cultivated an awareness in me that hirsutism is really a small part of my life. Small enough that I sometimes run out of things to say about it. And in some respects, it’s nice to have it over here so I can only think or talk about it when I want to. But it also means that when I come over here, it’s all I think or talk about. And that’s overwhelming sometimes. So overwhelming that when I feel fragile or very stressed, I avoid this place completely. I apologize for that.
Having hirsutism as the primary aspect of this online identity also means that those who are drawn to Allerleirah in respects to friending me or following me or subscribing to me are drawn to me because of the hair. That’s kind of a weird experience, when you think about it. A person you met face-to-face on the street would likely not be drawn to you if you were sporting a few days of stubble on your chin. That’s kind of the crux of the anxiety we feel as hirsute women. In a way, that’s lifted off you when you’re open about it online. Being Allerleirah has been great for meeting women with whom I have these struggles in common, and in fact being inspired and taught by them. And it’s been great for being introduced to people who are genuinely curious and trying to understand this bizarre situation of being a woman with a beard. But on the other hand, as a woman talking openly about body hair, being interested in it and being able to grow a good deal more of it than most women, I’ve at times become an object of fetishism.
Perhaps sometimes being the subject of an erotic fixation is what I’ve been finding particularly discouraging. And maybe I shouldn’t--after all, would I be miffed if someone was attracted to me because they first noticed above all else that I had blond hair? How silly is it to say, “Hey, don’t notice me because of something I’ve done on purpose!” (Not to say I’m hirsute on purpose, but I’ve made it public deliberately, just as I dye my hair deliberately.)
I think it troubles me because I feel like I’m merely part of a collection of things that someone finds pleasing. I guess that’s nice on some level, because girls like us easily doubt our desirableness. However, being hirsute is just a physical trait. It’s not who I am. The effects of hirsutism are, such as lack of self-confidence or being less judgmental about what others look like. But I doubt that’s why I’m in the collection.
And if that's a bad thing, it’s my fault for presenting myself as “Allerleirah the bearded lady” and having this whole corner of the internet just for that. But like everybody else in this world, I want to be appreciated as an individual. And I know most of you here are here because the blog gives you encouragement and solidarity. It gives it back to me, too, for which I will ever be grateful. I shouldn’t let a little trichophilia get under my skin. It’s nice that they have a taste for the unique, and I shouldn’t take that personally either positively or negatively. I need to remember the feeling of being your hirsute sister, one of many, and at the end of the day, I know who I am and why I ought to be appreciated. :)
November 13, 2012
A Dabble in Modeling
Back in the summertime I agreed to help out a budding photographer by sitting for a few portraits. She decided that she wanted it to be a bridal photo-shoot, and her friends who were hair stylists and make-up artists looking to build their own portfolios were going to come and doll me up. I’m sure most of you can imagine my trepidation about having people working so close to my skin. It’s the same reason I don’t do facials, make-overs, or even get advice from the young women who work at the beauty counters in drug stores. You get to close to my face, you see the effects of hirsutism.
I had already decided I would not shave for one or two days prior to the shoot to help my chin skin to be in fine form for the day. But even so, I know my skin, and I know what shaving will do to it. Aside from the accidental nicks if you’re not careful, you’ve got the tiny little bumps like chicken skin, the dry flakes, the ingrown hairs, and in my case also a couple of deep cystic acne nodules that decided to develop at the beginning of the week. I knew there would be a lot to battle, but I’m used to disguising them. Over the years I’ve developed a few tactics. A burgeoning make-up artist? I imagine it might be the first time they'd have come across something like that. I was not looking forward to her sponging foundation over my jaw and getting baffled and frustrated by its misbehavior.
Then, a surprising relief: the make-up artist cancelled. And then, another relief: the hair stylist cancelled. Although I had to go through the morning with only a bit of concealer on my chin and no other make-up, that afternoon I got to do my own make-up, the way I’m used to, and my skin stood up pretty well. It ended up being just me, the photographer, and a family member getting me ready for the shoot, so it was more comfortable than I could have imagined when I first agreed to do it.
I knew it would be fun no matter what, but without the stress of other people trying to work with my skin, it was even better. I always loved to play dress-up as a kid, but now I was finally old enough to actually fit a wedding dress and wear red lipstick without looking like I’d raided my mother’s stash. It was awkward in front of the camera at first, but I soon relaxed and the pretty little princess within came out. It was a great day.
Of course, not knowing what style the wedding dress was, I had shaved... everything. After I started following “****-shaving” on tumblr (NSFW), I challenged myself to growing out my armpit hair just to see how far I could go and how comfortable I could get with it. It turned out to be extremely comfortable, and I was awfully bummed to get rid of it, as well as other hairs elsewhere. Now I have to suffer through the uncomfortable regrowth, and the older I get, the more that outweighs the momentary pleasure of seeing myself hairless in a mirror. ;P
I had already decided I would not shave for one or two days prior to the shoot to help my chin skin to be in fine form for the day. But even so, I know my skin, and I know what shaving will do to it. Aside from the accidental nicks if you’re not careful, you’ve got the tiny little bumps like chicken skin, the dry flakes, the ingrown hairs, and in my case also a couple of deep cystic acne nodules that decided to develop at the beginning of the week. I knew there would be a lot to battle, but I’m used to disguising them. Over the years I’ve developed a few tactics. A burgeoning make-up artist? I imagine it might be the first time they'd have come across something like that. I was not looking forward to her sponging foundation over my jaw and getting baffled and frustrated by its misbehavior.
Then, a surprising relief: the make-up artist cancelled. And then, another relief: the hair stylist cancelled. Although I had to go through the morning with only a bit of concealer on my chin and no other make-up, that afternoon I got to do my own make-up, the way I’m used to, and my skin stood up pretty well. It ended up being just me, the photographer, and a family member getting me ready for the shoot, so it was more comfortable than I could have imagined when I first agreed to do it.
I knew it would be fun no matter what, but without the stress of other people trying to work with my skin, it was even better. I always loved to play dress-up as a kid, but now I was finally old enough to actually fit a wedding dress and wear red lipstick without looking like I’d raided my mother’s stash. It was awkward in front of the camera at first, but I soon relaxed and the pretty little princess within came out. It was a great day.
Of course, not knowing what style the wedding dress was, I had shaved... everything. After I started following “****-shaving” on tumblr (NSFW), I challenged myself to growing out my armpit hair just to see how far I could go and how comfortable I could get with it. It turned out to be extremely comfortable, and I was awfully bummed to get rid of it, as well as other hairs elsewhere. Now I have to suffer through the uncomfortable regrowth, and the older I get, the more that outweighs the momentary pleasure of seeing myself hairless in a mirror. ;P
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