August 27, 2010

It's Not Your Fault

One thing that particularly saddens me when reading things posted by other girls with hirsutism is the question, "What did I do to deserve this?"

I've asked it. Why me? I have enough troubles already. I've never had remarkable self esteem, or enough emotional armor to protect me from the way hirsutism makes me feel. But I ask the question a lot less than I used to, so I hate to see others asking it.

The reason this question worries me is because at its core, it suggests that we are responsible for our own bodily quirks. And unless you've been feeding yourself testosterone, that's totally not how it works. Not with hirsutism. There's nothing a woman can foresee to do differently to, for instance, stop her ovaries from developing cysts that release more testosterone than normal. There's nothing about a woman's character that would make her hair follicles extra sensitive to normal levels of testosterone.

We're all looking for the cause of our hirsutism. It's different in each woman, not always easy to pinpoint. It may be genetic. It's completely beyond our control. Life is unfair. Bad things can happen to good people. There's no rhyme or reason to a lot of things. No one is completely safe from misfortune.

If you (and I'm addressing anyone, including myself) can't find a reason and end up blaming yourself, does it make you feel any better? It find that instead, it puts you down by suggesting there's something inherently wrong with you that has brought this on you. Does it not simply emphasize your perceived flaws in your mind? Don't we all have more value than that?

Some people do prefer to think of themselves as a victim. It's a way of coping, and a contradictory one at that, as it only leads to depression and hopelessness. Little bodily aberrations like this don't have to make us feel worthless. Once we take that first step to think it through and realize we're not to blame for this, we can start to think about the wonderful things we can be blamed for, like a loving home, or a job well done, or the smile of a stranger. These things have nothing to do with how we look.

Some of my posts have touched on the ways I deal (or don't deal) with my hirsutism. But I think perhaps making more posts about coping methods might be in order. After all, it wouldn't do for me to bash self-blame without bringing up alternatives, would it?

1 comment:

Sophie said...

i needed this post...

you are wonderful.