I wonder sometimes if I come across as a hypocrite.
On the one hand, I wish I could raise awareness so the average person would stop cringing at the thought of excess body hair, stop mocking it ignorantly, stop writing off people who might have it... just stop thinking of it in a way that is so out of proportion with what is truly important in life.
But on the other hand I, too, dwell on it in a disproportionate fashion. I'm so ashamed of it that I put a lot of energy into hiding it, and in sharing anything helpful I find with other women. I just wish it was gone, the problem erased, instead of thinking of it as a challenge or something useful to keep me humble and compassionate.
On the one hand, I wish people would be okay with the fact that I have the hair, even if only because it is out of sight.
On the other hand, I wish they could appreciate it's not that simple. It's still there in the back of my mind, always present, wreaking havoc with my confidence. The act of shaving every time I want to leave the house, the act of hiding in the house and avoiding mirrors and family every time I don't, it wears on me. It makes each day more of a struggle than I ever imagined I'd have in my life.
Is it making me stronger or am I just imagining it because I wish it would?
Am I going to constantly swing between humiliation and determination?
I'm not actually at a low point personally, but I'm feeling bad about someone else's disappointments right now. It means a lot of depressing contemplation and ample consumption of chocolate. Next week will be better.