While writing the "significant other" entry last week, I took a long trip down memory lane. Most of my "dating" stories involved trying to hide the truth, not reveal it. In the interests of not overwhelming readers (more than I already do) with novella-length entries, I cut some of my musings out. But with the buffer of time between me and my memories, I actually cracked up thinking about them and really wanted to type.
For instance. When I was seventeen my boyfriend at the time fell asleep at our house. I blame it on my newly-discovered magical massage abilities. Before I really realized what I was doing, he was out like a light on our floor. And because we worried about him driving home in his exhausted state, we let him crash on our couch. Fear for his safety was the only reason I did not shake him awake and send him packing. I tossed and turned all night, worrying about the next morning. What if he bumped into me upstairs before or while I was bleaching my face? I resolved to get up early to make sure I took care of it before anyone else could wake
Instead, I gained consciousness hearing his voice downstairs. Utter. Panic. My ablutions could not be discovered! I locked the door of the bathroom until I had disguised my hair to satisfaction. But the anxiety was completely not worth it. By the time I was done, he had eaten breakfast and gone home to change. He didn't catch one glimpse of me.
It occurs to me that, ironically, he and I first got chatting the year before thanks to my self consciousness about my hair. I had been on a road trip with friends to see more friends, and it had been such a bustling couple of days that I had not had the time to make myself feel swimsuit-worthy. (Remember me mentioning trying to tweeze in a truck stop restaurant bathroom in an earlier entry? This was that trip.) So I was sitting quietly on a beach while my friends and their younger siblings played in the water. Had I been running around and splashing with them, he might never have sat down next to me and started talking. Is there ever a 100% disadvantage to everything?
Another brief romantic anecdote that makes me chuckle was born in a friend's car, in college. I had turned around in the passenger seat to talk to a guy friend in the back seat. Out of nowhere, he reached out and cupped my chin in his hand, trying to be affectionate and probably zoning in for a kiss. I jerked my face out of his grasp in terror--not of the kiss, but of him feeling stubble. Talk about killing the moment.
I share these things to make you smile. If you shake your head, that's okay too--I don't mind being the butt of a joke now and then. I hope it reassures you that if you are hampered by fear you're not alone, and if you have awkward moments, it's not the end of the world. Even girls who don't have beards know this feeling too, right? We all have things we worry about when trying to make a good first impression.