Cursing My Cell Phone

I'm certain when I checked my cell phone on my lunch break there were no calls. Yet when I left the office tonight, there was a voice mail on my phone. The endo had called me personally this morning to say the results of my latest blood work have made another test necessary--no whats or whys, she just left her cell phone number to call her back. (A doctor's cell phone number. She's awesome.)

The thing is, I discovered the message long after she would be available and have the test results with her. So now I must wait until Monday. I have no idea if she means I have to go for that specific adrenal test at the hospital or if I just need to retake another blood test. But I'm going to try to worry about that eventuality when it comes. Whatever needs to be done will get done, and there are worse things than a test or two. And at least I have an idea of the results anyway.

For now, there's nothing I can do. I am determined to have a great weekend--have lots of fun things planned!

I'll update on the results when I have them.

Beautiful Beards

Something undeniably cheery this week. When it's usually so hard to live with a beard, it's important to learn to laugh about it sometimes.

I lurk on Etsy frequently, coveting gorgeous antiques and handmade stuff. It isn't rare to find something really unique there; I've come across bearded lady imagery before. But nothing fascinated me as much as Erin Dollar's handmade beards, which she models herself. It might seem a little strange at first--I mean, even I don't ever see myself in a full-grown beard--but then you see her smiling and showing off those brilliant colors, and it makes you grin.

And then I noticed she had a blog, where she posts bearded images made by herself and others. I love her attitude. I didn't see her once promote a beard because on men they were sexy or dignified or whathaveyou. She just celebrates them. Positive, enthusiastic, and adorable.

It's catching.

Visit her blog
Visit her store
See her interview on Beard of the Week


I bet I'd like my beard more if it was that color... ;P

How Romantic

I received an unprecedented email from a young man I assisted at work the other day. Apparently he thought I was "cute" and took note of my name as I was helping him, then searched for me on the Internet. (Obvious good reason to have a pen name, hey? It's not the first thing you want a guy to know about you.) How flattering is that?

Chronically romantic, I was quite tickled. What girl doesn't want someone to swoop in out of nowhere confessing their attraction, even if through the buffer of email? Especially when it's a girl who doesn't expect it.

But see, this is where my life takes yet another satirical turn. The things I was helping him with were related to his moving out of the country. Beyond all other possible deal breakers, this one has a rather hilarious finality to it. This is my life, ladies and gentlemen. The chuckles don't stop at the beard.

Refilled my prescription again tonight. This is bottle number three. I told myself I wasn't going to be looking for results until I had finished this bottle. Now I'm always checking. I'm curious, impatient, hopeful, despite my best efforts to stay realistic.

Eight Weeks on Spiro

Is it just me, or maybe just coincidence--or maybe after four shots my disposable razor is having a really good run--because I think my five o'clock shadow did not appear at five o'clock yesterday.

I was afraid to type it or say it out loud, because I can't decide if I have high hopes for this prescription or not. I still don't enjoy being on it, though I think all side effects are imagined, except for the diuretic properties. I think I'm even getting the hang of managing that last bit, taking it with a mid-morning snack instead of at lunch, and then I'm not waking up at three in the morning bursting.

Maybe it is my imagination, or an exceptionally good make-up job. It is definitely too soon to be expecting results. But I haven't been doing anything different hair-removal-wise since about October, and when I came home from work yesterday, there was only a slight bit of shadow on the sides of my chin.

Actually, just peeking under my shirt here, I'm seeing the dark but vellus hair above my navel is looking... uncharacteristically sparse. That is odd. It can't be right.

Even if my eyes are playing tricks on me, it felt good to "notice" it. It's been a week where I've just felt tired. Tired of feeling stressed and unwell. Tired of the way I look. Tired of feeling under-appreciated at work. Tired of worrying about family and friends. Tired even of feeling tired. Just the thought that something might be going as planned was, well, nice.

Two weeks and I haven't heard word about the results of the last blood test. I think that is also a very good thing.

Hair in History: Ancient Egypt

I'm not a history buff by any stretch of the imagination, but I love history. I wasn't one for the political focus in high school, but when I moved on to art history in college, I just ate it up. Hearing and reading little tidbits here and there has spurred me to look at the way body hair figured into cultures throughout history. I thought that every now and then I could do a mini research project on a certain culture, and who knows? It might just reveal the obsession with body hair is just too deeply ingrained in our psyches... or it might put hair in a different perspective. I'm willing to see which it is.

I'm sure some of you won't be surprised that the first place I'm going is ancient Egypt. Quite obviously, they had methods of hair removal. But how, and why?

If you were to visit Egypt today, you'd find it to be a hot and generally without much rain except in the winter months. In the summer, you're looking at an average temperature between 27 °C and 32 °C in summer (or 80 °F and 90 °F), and even higher temperatures on the Red Sea coast. Where I live, 27-32 °C is a freakish and murderous heat wave worthy of lying on a tile floor and sticking popsicles down your pants. Now imagine how sand could reflect that heat back up to you. And knowing how big the ancient Egyptians were on construction, many of them had a lot of heavy work to do in all that heat.

And not only was it hot and busy (and therefore sticky and smelly), but many of them were clustered around the Nile. Where there's water, there are bugs. They lived in constant danger of things like Malaria, parasites, and lice. But according to medical texts recorded on papyrus, the ancient Egyptians apparently had an understanding of where such infections came from. They knew the value of cleanliness. Though they may have bathed several times a day, some resources said they had no soap, and others say they used a mixture of animal fat and chalk. People would be cooler, have less odour and find it easier to bathe with less hair.

From what I've read, it seems that the extent of body hair removal varied in different time periods. Depending on the time, they might have shaved it all off including their heads, or kept head hair in a short bob above the shoulders, or the women let it grow but kept it braided. Even so, they all wore wigs as they could afford them, made of a mixture of human and animal hair and sometimes plant fibres. Just like today, the quality and complexity of a person's false hair displayed their wealth. These things weren't just fashion statements, though. According to some authorities, they were also designed to keep cool and protect the head from the sun. (Could you imagine working on a pyramid all day with a bald uncovered head? Ouch!) I'm sure having a shaved head under a wig would have been less irritating, too.

Apparently men, women and children all practiced hair removal of some sort. Wealthy families could keep a barber on staff. Priests in particular had to keep themselves clean, and according to one source shaved everything ritualistically every third day, and are often depicted with bald heads as a symbol of holiness. And when you see representations of pharaohs with beards, it's possible they are wearing a false beard they could tie on under their chin. (As a kid I always wondered how they could make a real beard look like that!) As much as being hairless was a way to keep clean and cool and differentiate from the surrounding cultures and even social classes, the men still may have felt that having facial hair was a sign of maturity, masculinity, virility, and even dignity. This is still something of a mystery, however, as depictions of beards seem to come and go throughout Egypt's early history.

So how did they do it? Archeologists have uncovered many tools thanks to Egyptians burying each other with things they might want or need in their afterlife. Plenty of razors have been found, usually made of copper or bronze, so apparently hair removal was important enough to continue doing even in the next life. It has also been suggested that they used abrasion with pumice stones to remove hair. (Oww.) One website mentioned an early form of tweezers. Some websites on body sugaring (a homemade alternative to waxing) claim it was an "ancient Egyptian art," but I haven't found any scholastic resources to support that--not that I give myself days to research this stuff, mind you.

And so it appears the Egyptians were very active aestheticians. Some other interesting things:

• They were apparently concerned about greying hair and used henna to cover this--as well as to fashionably dye hair, lips, and nails. Some sources also quote various potions to color or prevent the greys, such as donkey liver steeped in oil.
• Men may have been worried about hair loss, too. Prescriptions may have included animal fats (from snakes and crocodiles to hippopotami and cats), and wearing lettuce on the bald spot.
• You don't wanna know what they used for birth control.
• Kohl, the black make-up seen under their eyes, was not just for fashion. As with football players today, it helped reduce the sun's glare.
• Because they were evidently a fastidious people, you can bet they employed some early forms of deodorant, such as incense.